My life is about half over now - meaning at least half of it is left.
I hope nobody minds that this blog is called Old Lady Chloe even though I'm not quite "old" yet. I'd just like to keep in mind that the time is coming and I'd better respect the rest of my life.
How do I want to live that last half?
New Year's Resolutions 2007:
1. Remain vegetarian.
2. Exercise daily. Get up and take a walk every day, and 3 days a week, run.
3. Stop avoiding things that are better faced.
4. Meditate daily for at least five minutes.
5. Quit drinking for the month of January, then re-evaluate.
6. Be more loving, particularly toward Sanford (my husband).
I'm getting older. My skin is less resilient than it once was. I've gained too much weight since I got married. My hair is thinning and my hands are wrinkling. I'd like not to care, in fact, it's one of my goals not to care: to be as healthy as I was when I got married three years ago (I exercised one hour five days a week and weighed 30 pounds less - it was the healthiest time in my life), and to be happy with that.
I know that what matters is how I treat others. I'd like to treat others well. When it's hardest, like when my asshole coworker invites me to lunch, and I really want to say, "It's not my job to be nice to you," is when I want to reach down and pull out that one tiny little bit of compassion that I must have somewhere for him, and accept. Give him the chance.
I want to show Sanford that I love him, even when every cell in my body is aching to be left alone and I can't for one second even imagine breaking out of my resentful longing for oblivion and give him a hug.
I want to conquer my chronic severe depression through exercise and medication and quit fucking around and thinking "I don't really need the medicine," going off it and plunging myself needlessly back into misery from which I must drag myself kicking and screaming over the course of weeks or months. Get a grip. You're depressed and the only things that will fix it are exercise and medication. After fighting it for your entire life, you know this. Give yourself ONE YEAR off the roller coaster.
I want to be honest to myself about the things I want and don't want, and if I don't know (do I want to stay in my job?), try to figure it out.
4 comments:
Chloe Welcome to blogistan/blogosphere etc...
I am totally digging #s 3 & 4 on your resolutions... They are so achievable.
I can relate to your depression as I am nearly on the cusp of one myself. I wrote a post about it earlier this year - pls read it if you think it's at all helpful, those things really helped me to overcome my first depression. Here is the link.
Happy New Year!
Oh aradhanad, I love advice! Thank you.
Your #2 is so true. It's so annoying that when you most need to get out of the house, it's the hardest thing to do.
I recently read a suggestion that when depressed, one should plan one's entire day, and stick to that plan as closely as possible. I think that may be of some use. You also mentioned finding a routine.
I still don't know what makes me happy. I hope it doesn't take the rest of my life to find out.
Chloe, that is the hardest part I tell you. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up fer goodness sakes!
I just try to go back and look at things that have made me happier than others... My happiness process usually begins with some arts and crafts and then I can move 'up' into cooking meals and then reading books and at some point meeting ppl I care for.
:)
e-hugs to you!
chloe - you are officially cool - a very teenage word but hell i don't care - look forward to sharing your site and welcoming you back to there's a place for us.
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